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I am now found here as I have changed my alias to Spy Andrew. As a spy, it is my job to investigate games and report back on discoveries I made while playing them. This may include recommendations and reviews as well as analyses of game developer view points.
My health has improved considerably in recent times. I am not very confident in what I can do but I do not struggle with the simplest task of every day life anymore, diet. A common vegetable, cauliflower helps keep my digestive system feeling good, and various other ingredients that I cook with are providing some good feelings.
The weather is improving my condition now as well, with winter firmly behind us in this area. I took a much lower-than-usual temperature shower this week. I would like the opportunity to work again but so far it has eluded me. It has been more than 10 years since I had a paying job. I didn't think it was possible to even last this long without a job, and I also had no idea that physical recovery would be so difficult.
If not for my older, spiritual sister who has now perished, I may not be as healthy as I am now. She gave me a chance to live on my own without too much interference from toxic personalities. My family has been a great disappointment for me as my mother has admitted that even she is a source of disappointment for me in my life. But it doesn't stop at family! So many people are caught up in their own needs that they don't acknowledge mine.
And I might just be part of the problem. When was the last time I asked someone if I could help them with something? I know so many people that I might or might not be able to help them with something, and what am I spending my time on? Playing games that most of them really don't care about in the slightest. I'm never busy doing anything, I'm just available and never get asked to do anything. I want people to ask me to do things. But perhaps my status is just too unbelievable for others.
I suppose moving forward, my goal should be to change the minds of those around me, and prove that I am a valuable assistant. Because I really want to help others. I know I need a lot of help and I'm not getting it, but that doesn't mean I can't provide help to others that are willing to accept my help. It's a strange realization for me. That my time is not over simply because I have this willingness to do more. So what comes next? I can't tell you, it's undetermined. But I hope it happens soon.
